darthfandomcom-20200214-history
Darth Porg
Darth Porg, also known as Darth Porgus and Emperor Porgatine, is an immensely powerful Sith Lord from the island world of Ahch-To. A members of the Porg species, Darth Porg lived undercover among his primative people as he made his own Porg Empire, later branded as The Porgpire. Born in 4 ABY, with the name Porgus (translated from a series of squawks and chittering in Porgese, blessed with a superior intelligence and force sensitivity. The young Porgus found the Ach to Jedi Temple and used it to learn about the Dark Side. Trained telepathicly by the Dark Side force weilder Snoke, Darth Porg quickly became a secret Sith following the deaths of Darth Vader and Darth Sidious at Endor. He was breify trained by Snoke, but soon sought his own path to power and expansion, which led to the destruction of a great many planets. Darth Porg led the Merchandise Wars , where he hoped to make Toy Porgs the most purchased item in Galactic History. He founded the Porgpire, the most terrifying and deadly threat ever faced by the galaxy, we think. Darth Porg soon came into conflict with the industrial galactic food chain KFP, Kessel Fried Porg, and its military branch commanded by Major Asshole. The Porgpire fought a longish war against KFP, but ultimately vanquished the persistent chain. Darth Porg returned to his homeworld of Ahch-To, where he witnessed the arrival of Luke Skywalker and later Rey. After a near miss with the wookie Chewbacca, he also stowed away aboard the Millennium Falcon, during the Battle of Crait, and ended up stuck on the Falcon afterwards after they escaped Crait. Biography Pre Birth Darth Porg was one of many beings foreseen by Kyle Katarn at the dawn of time, among other beings such as Darth Vader, Darth Elmo, and the coming of Lord Disney. Prior to his birth, a great storm raged on the island where he would be born, and across the galaxy both Emperor Palpatine and Snoke felt a great ripple in the force. This ripple was enough to distract Emperor Palpatine so much, he didn't even notice when his apprentice Darth Vader picked him up, and threw him down a hole, which proved to be his end. The not yet born Darth Porg was unaware of the incident he had caused. Early Life Porgus was born in 4 ABY, on the water planet of Ahch-To. No reader, that wasn't you sneezing. That was the name of a planet, a planet covered in islands. Nothing to do with sneezing whatsoever. Mere hours before his birth was the climatic Battle of Endor, which saw the deaths of Emperor Palpatine and his apprentice turned killer, Darth Vader. Porgus felt their deaths though the force after his birth, but though nothing of it. Porgus was raised in his family nest on a diet of small fish found in the ocean by his parents, and enjoyed his pampered lifestyle. However, he was extremelt intelligent for his kind, and this intelligence began to show. A few years later after the end of the Galactic Empire, Porgus felt a great power within the old Jedi Temple on his island. The young Porg, bored with the lessons on not living long and eating disquieting insects his parents gave him, he visisted the Temple, and learned many Jedi Secrets, like "chopping fresh veg with a Lightsaber", and "Jedi Tricks to get you Chicks" and other strange and probally forbidden Jedi Knowledge. It was all well and probably inaccurately documented in Yarael Poof's Jedi book for Doofs, which was pretty much the only literature on the island, dumped by a tourist after finding out the book contained nothing intresting about the Jedi Order. He also learned of the ancinet and now extinct Sith, along with a leftover Sith Lightsaber from the last Sith who visited the temple millienia ago. He went to share his newfound knowledge with his kind, but they really didn't care, content with living simple lives of searching for grubs and dying young. This greatly angered Porgus, who wanted nothing more than to give his people the power and riches they all deserved, instead of just being eaten, or filmed for Holonet nature documentaries. Porgus wanted Porgs to be proud and free, and to inherit the galaxy from all those who had downtrodden and abused Porgkind, which was pretty much everyone by this point. Naming himself Darth Porg, he set out to become a true Dark Lord, and give his race they all deserved. He received a force vision from a Dark Side user, who called himself Snoke, telling the Porg to meet him deep in the Unknown Regions, before sending a Sith Fighter to pick Darth Porg up, which he then named Porg One. The Porgs watched Darth Porg depart, wondering were he was going, and when he'd be back. Evil Acts Darth Porg reached the coordinates that had been given to him by Snoke, and found The Supremacy, above an uninhabited Moon. Darth Porg boarded the ship, and was taken in an adorable basket by the Elite Praetorian Gaurd to meet the Supreme Leader of the "First Order". Darth Porg was taken inside Snoke's Throne Room, where he first saw the man himself: Snoke. After suppressing fits of laugher seeing the adorable critter in his wicker basket, Snoke composed himself and greeted the Porg, who hopped out of the basket, and confessed his alligence to the Sith, before going on about the eternal struggles of Porgkind. Snoke was impressed, and agreed to take the teenage Porg as his Aprentice. He then sent Darth Porg with the Elite Praetorian Gaurd Elder to be trained. Darth Porg was trained for one whole year, before Leder decided to send him on a first mission. Ending an Era Darth Porg was sent on his first test by the Elder, down to an asteroid base to deal with some radical followers of Sesame Street. Darth Porg went down, met the deadly leader of the cult, and outsmatred him by telling him that the deseased Darth Elmo was in a lava pit waiting for them. They all jumped in and roasted. Darth Porg took the burnt corpse of the leader back to the Elder and Snoke. Elder began to train Darth Porg further an harder, hoping to make him more powerful than Darth Vader. The Porg Brotherhood Ending the Elder Eventully, Darth Porg tired of the Elders teachings, and during a training exercise, sliced off his hands with his Lightsaber. The Elder pleaded for survival, but Darth Porg swiftly decapitated him and left the Supremacy. The Elders body was found by the other gaurds, who informed Snoke that Darth Porg had killed the Elder. Snoke, although annoyed, allowed the Porg to leave, and made plans to find a whiner apprentice. Forming his Brotherhood Darth Porg returned home, where he gathered up five other force sensitive and intelligent Porgs, and began to train them to be his dark servants. By far the most progressive was Snorg. Darth Porg worked with his new Porg Brotherhood to begin a wildlife rebellion on the planet Vandor, causing the planet to succumb to chaos. Darth Porg planned to destroy Vandor by detonating its super volcano, but it was far too dangerous, so Snorg volunteered instead. However, he was stopped by Vandor Defense, who he led to the mouth of the volcano before detonating the charge, causing a eruption so big, lava consumed the Planet. Darth Porg and the Porg Brotherhood left Vandor, vowing to avenge Snorg. While flying on Porg Brotherhood Mothership, they were intercepted by the Supremany, which pulled them aboard. Elite Preatorian Gaurds attacked the Brotherhood as they left the ship, but all the Gaurds where knocked out by Darth Porg. Darth Porg marched with his Brotherhood to Snoke. Snoke had a new apprentice at his side, Kylo Ren. Darth Porg called Ren a whiny emo Solo, which caused the son of Han Solo to start crying uncontrollabl. Snoke quickly grew tired of Ren's tears, but he would only stop crying once the evil bird has left. With no other choice, Snoke reluctantly asked what Darth Porg wanted, and Darth Porg said he wanted a portion of the First Order Fleet, and in exchange, he would provide funds stolen from the Trade Federation to make Starkiller Base, and then leave, to ease Kylo. Snoke agreed, and had General Hux make the exchange with Darth Porg, who then left with his brotherhood. Missions with the Brotherhood Snorg's survival On his return to the Mothership, he found Snorg had survived, though the attempt on his life had left him scarred. Darth Porg then made Snorg his sole Apprentice. This prompted the other members of the Brotherhood to double, then triple their efforts to gain respect From Darth Porg. Darth Porg then led the capture of a resistance cruiser in the mid rim, which he added to the Porg Fleet. The Porgpire At last, Darth Porg had the manpower, or, Porgpower? Whatever it was, to create the Porgpire, a mighty empire forged on Atch-To, comprised of all Porgs. Darth Porg amassed a fleet as well, to support the new empire. Merchendise Wars Not long after the Porg attack on a resistance Crusier, a weathly Human named Ron Paven made a cute and cuddly Rancor toy, which sold millions of copies across the Galaxy on day one. It kicked the "tickle me Porg" off most purchased toy, enraging Darth Porg. He led a Porg attack sqaud against the mini Rancors of Ron Paven. Snorg sabotaged the production of Cute Rancor plush toys, and the Porgs took back many factories and remade new better selling Porg toys. Ron then used a Jungle Rancor to PWN severel Attack Porgs before Darth Porg force choked it to death, flinging Ron off . The Porgs cornered Ron Paven, who slipped on some stuffing, and fell of the factory line to his death. Thus, the Porgs won the merchandise wars. Darth Porg proceeded to take over the factory, and began producing his own Porg Toyoine, which quickly began to sell across the galaxy, making the Porgs rich. KFP However, all was not perfect. A friend of Ron Paven had just made, the KFP, the Kessel Fried Porg, a Kesselian chain of fast food restaurants dedicated to the delight of feasting on Porgs, giving the Porgpire a new nemesis. Kessel Fried Porg would not be an easy foe to destroy, as a chain, its leader was known as Major Asshole, the mastermind of Kessel Fried Porg, a front to take down the Porgpire via popular demand for fired food. Lord Kessel made a catchy new advert, which made most of Coruscant and Kessel crave KFP. Darth Porg saw the situation at hand, and was nervous. Major Asshole demanded Darth Porg to surrender and reveal the location of the Porg homeworld, so KFP could be the richest fast food chain in the galaxy. Darth Porg sent a warning back to Atch-to, before taking the Porg Brotherhood to Kessel, and the HQ of KFP. However, Major Asshole had a small army to Stormtroopers, fueled on KFP. Darth Porg led the valiant charge, an assault that costed him three members the Brotherhood, but it was successful, and the Porg Commandos Unit Alpha P got inside the HQ, detonating the ovens manually, in the greatest suicide run in history. KFP HQ blew up, killing everyone inside. Darth Porg watched from afar, happy that they had crippled their nemesis. Darth Porg then ordered missile strikes on all known KFP takeouts and restaurants, effectivly destroying the company. Sometime later, Darth Porg met Baby Yoda, and the pair discussed marketing strategies. Porgpire Rising Luke Skywalker arrives in Porg lands Darth Porg heard about the fall of the new Jedi Order, because of Kylo Ren, and heard that Luke Skywalker was leaving it, going to Atch-to. Darth Porg smelled Snorgs cooking, but then, he smelled a plan. He left Snorg in charge, and returned to Atch-to, to spy on Skywalker, and kill him when the time was right. He stayed their for many years, watching Luke, and soon got word from Snorg that Starkiller Base had been destroyed. Darth Porg wrote lies in the Jedi Texts, which made Luke rather depressed. The arrival of Rey In 34 ABY, he noticed a new visitor on the islandm after seeing the flying scrapyard, the Millennium Falcon land, and seeing someone who he could only sense as a Mary Sue, step out. The girl known as Rey walked up the Temple steps to where Luke was, Darth Porg silently flying around her. He landed on a cliff near Luke, and watched as Rey held the Lightsaber, Luke took it, and... WAIT WHAT?! Luke just yeeted the flipping saber off the cliffs, and bounced? Darth Porg was shocked. Luke must be more depressed than Darth Porg though. He got his brethren to bring the Lightsaber to him, but Rey found it with him, called him a stupid Porg, took it and left. Darth Porg wanted so bad to kill her there and then, but something called plot armour stopped him. He watched as Luke began to "train" Rey. He saw Rey get angry at Luke wanting to walk away from the Jedi Order, and found out that Skywalker had just turned off his force powers, somehow. It was never explained in detail. Between now this time, Darth Porg sent a squadron of native Porgs to disrupt and ground the Millenium Falcon, one even making a nest inside. However, the Wookiee Chewbacca soon found out, and grabbed and ate some of the Porgs. This angered Darth Porg greatly, so he took of his robe and flew down to where the walking carpet was feasting on his people. After Chewie scared off the other Porgs, Darth Porg stayed, looking a Chewie with hate in his eyes. He chattered for Chewie to "watch out when he sleeps" before a roar sent him flapping away to mourn those who were eaten. He became determined to take Porgs of the menu of all creatures. He also became determined to kill Chewbacca. He soon learned that his Porg Squadron was unsucessful in taking down the Falcon for good, and watched as Rey left Luke to board it. Darth Porg followed, boarding the Falcon himself, hoping to take it down mid flight and avenge his digested comrades. He did not expect for Rey to eject herself in a pod, and head towards The Supremacy. Darth Porg remained on the ship, while Chewbacca "took care of" the other Porgs aboard. He then saw the moments when Holdo rammed the Resistance ship Raddus at lightspeed, cleaving the Supremacy in half. When Rey returned, she came without Kylo Ren, and with word that Snoke was gone. Darth a Porg had a small fit, but got over it. The Falcon then flew to Crait, the planet that bleeds. He watched from a distance in the falcons cockpit as the Resistance mounted a Defense against the advancing big ass AT-AT rip offs using these little skiff things which made the planet bleed pretty bad. When the Falcom lurched, Darth Porg was slammed into the window. During the battle, Darth Porg hopped up on the control pannel, and attempted to use the force to take full control of the Falcon and crash it, but Chewie went edgy and swatted him off before he could. He later spotted the Vulptics leaving the cave, and shouted an insult in Porgese at one of them. Unfortunately, this made Mary Sue notice that the Resistance was trapped. She freed them, foiling Darth Porg's plan to alert Kylo Ren to their presense, and they escaped the planet. Snorg was left in charge of business on Ahch-To, while Darth Porg and several other Porgs were trapped on the Falcon. At the end of the battle, Darth Porg sat on top of R2-D2, waiting for the perfect moment....to strike. Before long, most the orginal Brotherhood members (excluding Snorg and Darth Porg) had been eaten by Chewbacca, as the Resistance started to rebuild its allies. Darth Porg made a nest for himself, and continued plotting the death of Chewbacca. Later, Darth Porg watched over Rey's shoulder as she studied the sacred Jedi texts. He would also create a new set of Porg Merchandise to sell on Batuu at Galaxy's Edge. The Resistance would soon reform and grow, setting up on the forest planet Ajan Kloss, which is not Endor. Darth Porg would be kicked of the Falcon and left on Ajan Kloss while the Resistance fought the First Order. After the fall of the First Order, Darth Porg bid farewell to the reistance, who he had gained some respect for, and returned back to Ahch-To. A Tale of a fair few empires Darth Porg later found himself captured by Shadow Minds operatives Shatter and Dropkick , who took him to Shadow Mind HQ, where he once again met Snoke, and met Shockwave. Shockwave was amused by the Porgpire, and let Darth Porg go free. Dropkick wanted to vaporise Darth Porg, but the avian gave him an evil look, so Dropkick relented. Darth Porg eventually ran into Beagle Force. he attempted to get the beagles on his side but the beagles instead attempted to devour him and messed him up pretty bad. Darth Porg returned to his ship, but was followed by an advanced Beagle operative, who tried to eat him. Darth Porg then fried the blasted dog with force lightning. Following this, he met once again with Snorg and the last members of the Brotherhood, to discuss endgame plans to take back the Galaxy for the Dark Side in the name of Sidious and Snoke. War With Beagle Force Beagle Force, angry that one of their agents got blasted by Darth Porg, declared war against him and in a couple of months, nearly had destroyed the Porgpire and 70% of the Porg species including their homeworld Ahch-To. Darth Porg survived the conflict and swore revenge against the beagles. Darth Porg activated contingencies, inclduing mass Porg Breeding, to save his race. Darth Porg, realising the severity of the Porg's situation, activated a fail-safe imprinted in every single Porg toy, an explosive. The resulting explosions rippled across Beagle space and destroyed over 70% of Beagle Force and almost of their proxy organizations such as the Paw. Beagle Force then signed a treaty with Darth Porg to never declare war on one another again. The Treaty allowed many great advancements, such as infinte space meat for the Beagles, and a new super homeworld for Porg Kind, Ahch-B. Ahch-B then became a haven for Porgs. Eventually Darth Porg was able to ally himself with Beagle Force so that way both factions could work together in unison to take over/destroy the galaxy. They decided to operate on opposite sides of The galaxy, so their would be no more accidents or fighting. Cybertron Conflict Chaos broke out when the planet Cybertron was reavled to be the dormant Cybertronian God Primus, who had been woken up by all the fighting in the galaxy, a combination of the Shadow Wars, Beagle Force - Porgpire Conflict, and numerous others. His waking also triggered the awakening of Unicron, a dark god of death and destruction created eons ago by a mad scientist known as Primacron. As Unicron drew close, and the final battle was fated to begin, the Cybertronians and residnets of Cybertron mounted a defense against the army of the Chaos Bringer, his Unicron Avatars and the various beings that chose to side with Chaos. In their darkest hour, Snoke, who was now running a successfull business, Snoke's Robe Store and Trade, called out to any availble beings in the galaxy to aid Primus in his defeat of Unicron, so Cybertron could return to normal and prevent Unicron consuming the universe. In the final battle, Darth Porg, alongside a chunk of the Porgpire, came to the aid of Primus, and joined the fight. During the battle, Darth Porg reconciled with Snoke and Shockwave, promising no more bad blood between them. Eventually, Unicron was destroyed, and the day was won. Primus faded into nothingness and Cybertron became a normal, non transforming planet. The future secure, Darth Porg left with the Porgpire. The Galactic Divide To prevent more accidental skrimishes, the Porgpire and Beangle Force combined their resources to create the Galactic Divide, splitting the 50-50 between them. The Porgs embarked on a crusade on their side of the Galaxy, to insight the will of the Porgs over all of Porg Space. Personality and Traits Darth Porg is a powerful, brave, bold but arrogant Dark Porg Lord of The Sith. He is incredibly patriotic, believing in the rights of the Porg, and wanting nothing more than to see his race at the top ornate the food chain. He founded the Porgpire to help in this quest. Powers and Abilites As a Dark Lord of the Sith and a Sith overlord, Darth Porg possessed a wide range of force abilities. These included: * Force Push/Pull * Force Freeze * Force Choke * Force Lighting * Force Storm Abilities * Mastermind intelligence: Darth Porg's most valuable trait was his intelligence, which gave him the ability to rise above his base instincts. * Leadership skills: Darth Porg was the ruler of the Porgpire, and a skilled ruler at that. * Extensive econemy knowledge: Darth Porg knows what sells, and what doesn't. Quotes Category:Evil Category:Powerful food Category:POWAH Category:Superweapons Category:Sith Category:Darthipedia Featured Sithspawn Category:Sith Mega-Super-Overlords Category:Images of Sith Category:Sith Lords Category:Reasons planets are destroyed Category:Reasons why u fail Category:Katarnimania Category:Things that PWN big time Category:Things that make things go boom Category:Scary things Category:Things that will Destroy Your Planet Category:Greatest things ever Category:Things that make George Lucas cry Category:Super cool dudes Category:Super-Ultra-POOWWAAAHH-Mega-Overlords Category:WTF Category:Stupid Things Category:Porg Category:Porgpire Category:Deities Category:Vong Gods Category:A Bird with more power than you can possibly imagine Category:Space Puffins Category:WHY?????????????????? Category:Reasons you are an asshole Category:Things that go fast Category:Best Category:Best things ever Category:Galactic rulers Category:Completely useless crap that people seem to think is awesome, cool, and useful Category:Gods Category:Immortals Category:Sith Mega-Super-Ultra-Apex-Immortal Overlord of Doom, Darkness, Evil, and Katarnimania